Wedding RSVP Follow-Up and Final Headcount: 17 Messages
Monday, August 31, 2026
Quick answer
Wait a few days after your reply-by date, since published advice runs from 24 hours to a week, then chase one guest at a time and stop after three tries. Count silent households as no about a week before your caterer's date, add up the confirmed seats, and send the caterer one written number.
Your reply-by date has passed, some households have said nothing, and your caterer wants a number. This page covers that stretch only: the day after your printed deadline to the day you send one figure to the kitchen.
For how to word the ask in the first place, see the wedding RSVP guide. For the send-and-deadline calendar, see when to send wedding invitations.
Count back from the caterer's date
Your reply-by date is a nudge you chose. The caterer's date is a contract term. Published figures for the final count:
| Source | When the final count is due |
|---|---|
| Kahn's Catering, a US caterer | "five working days prior to your event date" |
| Bliss & Bone, a stationer | Caterers, rental companies and venues typically need it one to two weeks out |
| Paperlust, an Australian stationer | "Your caterer typically needs final numbers 2 weeks before the event", and its own timeline submits at 2 to 3 weeks out |
| Plan In Love, a planning-template seller | "approximately two to four weeks before your wedding day" |
We found no Philippine caterer publishing such terms. These deadlines, and the padding figures further down, come from US, Australian and Canadian sources, so treat each as a question for your own caterer. Read your own clause first. Then set a cutoff a week before that date: the day you stop chasing, count silence as no and add up. A late yes can still be added until the caterer's date.
The chase schedule
Days are counted back from your caterer's date. The schedule assumes a 14-day gap between your printed reply-by date and the caterer's date, which is the gap in the calendar in our timing guide. For Saturday, January 23, 2027, that gives a caterer date of Saturday, January 9.
| Wave | Days out | Example date | Who | Channel |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 0 | 14 | Sat, Dec 26 | Nobody. Your printed deadline | Late replies land |
| 1 | 13 | Sun, Dec 27 | Every silent household | One-to-one text |
| 2 | 11 | Tue, Dec 29 | Friend groups still silent | Group chat, names tagged |
| 3 | 10 | Wed, Dec 30 | Older relatives, sponsors | Phone call, or a parent |
| 4 | 8 | Fri, Jan 1 | Anyone still silent | Dated final ask naming the caterer's date |
| 5 | 7 | Sat, Jan 2 | Same list | "We have assumed no" note, then the cutoff |
Jan 1 is a holiday, so our advice is to send Wave 4 on Dec 31.
Published advice on when to start splits.
| Guide | When to start chasing | How many attempts |
|---|---|---|
| Paperlust | "wait seven days after your RSVP deadline before making any direct contact" | "Three contact attempts max (text, email, phone), then mark as not attending" |
| Bliss & Bone | Personal follow-up "within 24 to 48 hours" of the deadline passing | "Two gentle reminders before the deadline, then one personal follow-up after it passes" |
Paperlust's own timeline puts the deadline six weeks out and the final headcount two to three weeks out, a runway of three to four weeks that can afford the week. With the 14-day gap above, use Bliss & Bone's cadence. If your caterer wants the count five working days out, our advice is to drop Waves 2 and 3 and run Waves 1, 4 and 5 a day apart.
Paperlust also says to assign one person from each side of the family, ideally a parent or sibling, and to keep the couple out of it except for their closest friends. It also says guests over 60 are best reached by a direct phone call, not a text.
Once the final deadline has passed with no reply, Brideandbreakfast.ph says it is acceptable to mark a guest as not attending and send a courteous message of regret. Our advice is to count an unresolved maybe as a no too.
Find who to chase in Imbitasyon Ko
Each guest on the Guests list shows one status. These are the labels in the app:
| Status | What it means | What to do |
|---|---|---|
| Not invited | You have not sent their link | Send it before anything else |
| Sent, not opened | You sent the link, and they have not opened it | Resend. Wave 1 |
| Opened, no reply | They opened it and did not answer | A personal nudge. Wave 1 |
| Attending, Maybe, Not attending | They answered | Attending shows the seats, such as ×2. Convert every Maybe |
The filter "Invited, no reply" is your chase list. For a guest with a phone number the main button reads "Send SMS" before you have invited them, "Remind via SMS" once they are "Sent, not opened" or "Opened, no reply", and "SMS" after they have answered. Without a number it reads "No phone — copy message for Messenger". The ⋯ menu also has WhatsApp, Viber and Copy Message. The reminder uses the message template you have selected. Under Manage templates you can create your own, with {name} and {link} filled in for each guest. It sends to one guest at a time.
- A reply from the shared link does not change a guest's status. It shows on the Replies tab, which lists answers from guests who used the shared link too. Scan that tab for names before you chase someone who may already have answered.
- A reply that came by text or call is not counted yet. Open the guest's row, choose Edit, RSVP & details, then Record RSVP answer. Once recorded, it counts toward the RSVP summary.
The Replies tab shows the people count for Attending, Maybe and Not attending, and a line saying how many guests have not RSVPed. Its Follow up in Manage Guests link opens the Guests list, and our guest list guide covers the list itself. Sample wedding invitation messages has the one-line nudges for "Sent, not opened" and "Opened, no reply", so they are not repeated below.
17 messages: 16 for guests, 1 for your caterer
Fill the brackets and delete the rest. Message 17, the email to your caterer, comes last and uses the tables in the next section.
Wave 1: the soft check-in
Close friend or cousin:
Hi [NAME]! Quick one: we are closing our guest count for [DATE] and we do not have your reply yet. Are you able to make it? Here is the link if it got buried: [LINK]
Colleague or someone you see rarely:
Hi [NAME], this is [YOUR NAME]. We are finalising numbers for our wedding on [DATE] and have not received your RSVP yet. Could you let us know either way? It only takes a second: [LINK]. No pressure at all, we just need an accurate count.
Household where you invited more than one seat:
Hi [NAME], we have [N] seats reserved under your name for [DATE]. Could you confirm how many of you are coming? If it is fewer, that is completely fine. We just need the number for the caterer. [LINK]
An answer arrived on the shared link and you cannot match it:
Hi [NAME], we got an answer on our invitation page under the name [NAME ON THE FORM]. Is that you? Please send me your full name so I can match it to our list. Thank you!
Wave 2: the group nudge
Post once, tag names, then stop. Never chase the same person twice in a group thread.
Hi everyone! We are closing the guest list for [DATE] this week. Still waiting on [NAME], [NAME] and [NAME]. A yes or no in a DM is perfect, or use the link: [LINK]
Wave 3: elders, relatives and people with a role
For an older relative, send this yourself, one to one, and follow with a call if there is no answer within two days:
Good morning, [NAME]. This is [YOUR NAME]. We are preparing the final list for our wedding on [DATE] at [VENUE], and we would be so happy to have you there. May I ask if you will be able to join us? I can add your name myself, so you do not need to open any link.
For a parent or sibling to send on your behalf, hand them this and the list of names:
Hi [NAME], this is [PARENT'S NAME]. I am helping [COUPLE] finish the guest count for the wedding on [DATE]. They have not heard back from you yet and did not want you left off the list by accident. Could you tell me yes or no and I will pass it on?
For a principal sponsor, entourage member or anyone with a role on the day:
Hi [NAME], we are confirming the entourage for [DATE]. You are down for [ROLE], and we want to make sure that still works for you before we send names to the coordinator. Could you confirm, and let us know if anyone is coming with you?
Calling instead? Say these three lines:
Hi [NAME], this is [YOUR NAME]. Is this a good time for a quick question about our wedding on [DATE]?
We are finalizing the guest list and do not have your reply yet. Will you be able to come?
How many of you will be there? I will write it down for you now.
If the call is not answered, follow it with:
Hi [NAME], I tried calling about our wedding on [DATE]. When you have a minute, please reply with yes or no and how many will come. Thank you!
Waves 4 and 5: the dated final ask and the close
Name the caterer's date. A deadline someone else set is easier for a guest to accept:
Hi [NAME], our caterer needs the final headcount on [CATERER'S DATE], so we are closing the list on [YOUR CUTOFF]. We still do not have your reply for [DATE]. A one-word answer is all we need, and we would love it to be yes.
The assumed-no note. Send it once, and do not ask a question:
Hi [NAME], we have closed our guest count for [DATE] and have not heard from you, so we have marked you as unable to come. No hard feelings at all. If that is wrong, message me today and I will see what the caterer can do.
Special cases
A guest answered "maybe":
Hi [NAME], thank you for telling us maybe. Our caterer needs a firm number on [CATERER'S DATE], so could you give us a yes or a no by [YOUR CUTOFF]? Either answer is fine.
A guest replied for more seats than the invitation covers:
Hi [NAME], thank you for replying! Your invitation covers [N] seats, so I have you down for [N]. I hope that works, and we cannot wait to see you.
A yes arrives after you have sent your number. Call the caterer before you answer the guest. If they can add one:
Hi [NAME], so glad you can make it! I have checked with our caterer and they can still add you. See you on [DATE]!
If they cannot:
Hi [NAME], we would have loved to have you, but our caterer's list is now closed and we cannot add seats. I am so sorry. I hope we can catch up soon.
Message 17: the final number, to your caterer
Send one number, in writing, from one person:
Subject: Final headcount, [COUPLE'S NAMES], [WEDDING DATE]
Hi [CONTACT NAME],
Our final count for [DATE] at [VENUE]:
Guaranteed guest count: [134]
- adults: [127]
- children on the kids' menu: [7]
Menu split for the adults, if plated: [Menu A 60] / [Menu B 52] / [Vegetarian 15]
Supplier meals, billed separately: [12] - [photo and video 4, coordinator 2, host 1, band 5]
Please confirm in writing that this matches your record, and tell me the last date you can accept a change. From today, changes come only from [NAME] on [NUMBER].
Thank you,
[YOUR NAME]
Turn replies into one number
Reconcile in two stages: households to people, so nothing is silently lost, then people to plates. The numbers are an illustration. Swap in your own.
Stage 1: does the list add up?
| Bucket | Households | People |
|---|---|---|
| Invited | 74 | 180 |
| Replied yes | 44 | 112 |
| Replied no | 18 | 38 |
| Replied maybe | 4 | 9 |
| Silent at your cutoff | 8 | 21 |
| Check | 74 | 112 + 38 + 9 + 21 = 180 |
If the bottom row does not balance, a household is missing. Fix that first.
Stage 2: from people to plates
| Line | People | Note |
|---|---|---|
| Confirmed yes, counted in seats | 112 | Seats accepted, not replies received |
| Maybes after a direct ask: 6 yes, 3 no | +6 | Never leave "maybe" in the total |
| Silent households, counted as no | +0 | The 21 stay out |
| Entourage and sponsors you did not add as guests | +14 | Add them by hand |
| The two of you | +2 | Drop this if your package counts the couple |
| Guaranteed guest count you submit | 134 | 112 + 6 + 14 + 2 |
| Supplier meals: photo and video 4, coordinator 2, host 1, band 5 | 12 | Ask which line they go on |
| Total plates the kitchen prepares | 146 | 134 + 12 |
Children on the kids' menu are a split of the 134, not an addition, so count them once. Replies live in four places: a group chat, a personal message, a relayed answer and the online form. Record each off-platform answer on the day it arrives. The Replies tab keeps the running total by seats. Then hand the count to your seat plan.
Send the caterer one number, in writing, from one person, using message 17 above.
Padding and the contracted minimum
Published advice on padding differs.
| Source | What it says |
|---|---|
| Kahn's Catering | It prepares 3% over the guarantee as a buffer, and "your number can always go up… but it can’t go down" |
| Paperlust | "Use your final headcount buffer (10-15 guests above your minimum) to absorb last-minute surprises" |
| Brideandbreakfast.ph | Tells couples to keep an allowance on the headcount for last-minute guests |
Those are different numbers: a booking buffer you reserved months ago is not a submission adjustment on the day you send the guarantee. Our advice is to send your confirmed count unadjusted unless your caterer has told you in writing what they do about arrivals above it.
If your count is below the contract minimum, Nuptials.ph gives this example: with a 100-guest package at P600 a plate and 95 guests confirmed, "you'll still have to pay P60,000". Kahn's says it always prepares for the guaranteed minimum. Check your own contract, and ask what a shortfall could be used for instead, before your cutoff and not on the day.
Questions to put to your caterer, before you submit:
| Situation | Ask your caterer |
|---|---|
| Your count is below the minimum | Does my bill drop at all if I submit below it? Kahn's says it always prepares for the guaranteed minimum |
| A yes arrives after you submit | Can you still add one, and what does it cost? |
| A guest cancels after you submit | Does the bill come down, or can the meals go to suppliers? Kahn's says the number can go up but not down |
| More arrive than you submitted | How far above the guarantee will you plate? Kahn's over-prepares by 3% |
Paperlust says not to extend your caterer deadline for late repliers. Once you have submitted, changes are a phone call to the caterer, and the answer is theirs.
Frequently asked questions
How long should I wait after the RSVP deadline before following up?
Published advice differs. Paperlust says wait seven days, and Bliss & Bone says follow up personally within 24 to 48 hours. Count the days between your deadline and your caterer's date, then pick. With a short gap, use the faster cadence.
How many times should I follow up with a guest who has not replied?
Paperlust says three contact attempts at most, by text, email and phone, then mark the guest as not attending. Bliss & Bone suggests two gentle reminders before the deadline and one personal follow-up after it.
Can I assume guests who never reply are not coming?
Yes, once the final deadline has passed. Brideandbreakfast.ph says it is acceptable to mark a guest who has not responded as not attending, and to send a courteous message of regret. Send one last dated note first, so nobody is dropped by surprise.
Who should follow up with the guests who have not replied?
Paperlust says to assign one person from each side of the family, ideally a parent or sibling, rather than the couple. It also says guests over 60 are best reached by a direct phone call.
What do I do if a guest says yes after the deadline?
Paperlust says a late guest can be accommodated with a small buffer, but you should not move your caterer deadline for them. If you have already sent your number, call the caterer before you answer the guest.
What should I do with guests who answered maybe?
Ask each one for a firm yes or no before your cutoff. Our advice is to leave a maybe out of the final number, and to count anyone you cannot reach as a no, the same as silence.
What is the final headcount and who needs it?
It is the confirmed guest count you give your caterer in writing. Bliss & Bone says caterers, rental companies and venues typically need it one to two weeks out. Kahn's Catering asks for it five working days before the event. Read your own contract for the date.