How to Ask Someone to Be Ninong or Ninang: Timing and Scripts
Monday, August 17, 2026
Quick answer
Ask in person over a meal, or on a video call if the sponsor is abroad; a text is fine only as a heads-up. Ask before you order invitations, which Bride and Breakfast puts six to eight months out for a custom suite. Say why you chose them, the date and venue, and what the role involves.
Asking someone to be your ninong or ninang, the godfathers and godmothers who stand as principal sponsors, is a favor asked of someone you respect, with a printing deadline attached. This guide gives you the shortlist questions, the deadline worked backward from the printer, which channel suits which person, eleven messages you can adapt, and what to do with a no or with silence.
Covered separately: how many sponsors and how to list them, and the layout samples.
Settle the shortlist before you ask anyone
Three Philippine guides publish screening questions. None is complete alone; together they cover character and practicality.
| Question to ask yourselves | Source |
|---|---|
| Does their marriage serve "as an example for" ours? | Bride and Breakfast |
| Can we build a close relationship with them? | Bride and Breakfast |
| Whose marriage inspires us? | The Smile Bar |
| Whose life experience inspires us, even outside marriage? | The Smile Bar |
| Are we close to them, or is this a favor to our parents? | The Smile Bar: do not invite someone "just because your parents tell you to" |
| Would we like to talk to them about budgeting, marriage practices and raising children? | Nuptials.ph |
Two rules from Bride and Breakfast's reader replies save arguments. One reply says it is not required to choose married couples, and Nuptials.ph's entourage guide agrees that principal sponsors are traditionally married but a single sponsor is fine. Another reply says principal sponsors are not required to give a monetary gift, and that the amount is entirely their choice if they do. Our advice: never choose for the gift.
Rank your list and keep two or three reserves, because asks come back as a no and parishes cap lists. Nuptials.ph's church requirements say some churches have a maximum and charge a fee if you exceed it. The Manila Cathedral's FAQ sets eight pairs. Get your parish's cap before you ask anyone.
When to ask, working backward from the printer
None of the guides cited here sets a deadline for the ask. The invitation sets one.
| Timing | Milestone | What it means for the ask |
|---|---|---|
| 6 to 8 months out | "Order invitations six to eight months before the wedding if ordering a custom suite" | Our practical deadline: every yes in, with the spelling confirmed, before you order |
| 6 to 8 months out | Save the Date cards go out six to eight months before, if you send them | A second checkpoint, not a hard deadline |
| 3 to 4 months out | Order "three to four months" ahead for a standard or templated design | A little extra runway, not much |
| About 8 weeks out | Send invitations eight weeks before, and add two to three weeks for guests abroad | Too late to add a name |
| At least a month out | The canonical interview, per Nuptials.ph, which also lists sponsor names and addresses among the church requirements | Our advice: have every name and address settled long before |
The invitation and Save the Date figures are from Bride and Breakfast. If your invitation is digital, the names stay editable after you publish, so the printer deadline softens. The parish's list does not. Put the ask date in your planning checklist.
In person, by message, or through family
| How you ask | Best for | The catch |
|---|---|---|
| In person, at their home or over a meal | Anyone local; the default | Our advice: book early, because scheduling with busy elders can take weeks |
| A text or Messenger heads-up first | Setting the meeting | Nuptials.ph and Bride and Breakfast: fine as a heads-up, not the ask |
| Video call | Sponsors abroad or too far to visit | Their timezone, not yours |
| A "Will you be our principal sponsor?" card | The keepsake, sent with the invitation | Both guides send it along with the wedding invitation; The Smile Bar does so after an informal yes |
| Social media, email or a private event page | A sponsor overseas or far away | Nuptials.ph does not recommend it otherwise; be formal |
| Through your parents or an older relative | Elders you have no direct line to | Our advice: brief the messenger, because you lose control of the wording |
| A group chat | Nothing | Our advice: never ask this way |
A reply on the Bride and Breakfast post says a video call would do for a sponsor you cannot meet, and to spend time with them in person once you are in the same place.
Nuptials.ph lists keepsakes to send with the card: wine or champagne, enamel pins saying "Ninong" or "Ninang," a box of goodies, or a travel kit for a destination wedding. The keepsake is optional and the ask is not.
If a card follows the ask, The Smile Bar publishes the structure, and Nuptials.ph prints the same one: their name, three lines, the request, then your names, the date and the venue.
To stand as a witness of our love,
To guide us in our married life,
To give us wise counsel,
Will you do us the honor of becoming our Principal Sponsor?
That wording is theirs. Take it as published or leave it.
Eleven messages to copy and adapt
These are our templates, written for you to change. Tito and Tita mean uncle and aunt or a close family friend. Replace every bracket.
1. The heads-up text. Sets the meeting without making the ask.
Hi Tito [Name]! [Partner] and I are getting married on [Date]. We have something important to ask you, and we would like to do it in person. Are you free for a snack or dinner on [day] or [day]?
2. The ask, in person. Say why you chose them, the date and venue, and the role.
Tito [Name], Tita [Name], we chose you because [one specific reason]. We are getting married on [Date] at [Church], and we would be honored if you would stand with us as our ninong and ninang. It means standing with us at the ceremony and being someone we can come to for advice. The parish will confirm whether you sign as a witness. We would also love you to come to the rehearsal on [date]. Please take your time. We will understand whatever you decide.
3. The ask to a sponsor abroad. Book the video call first.
Hi Tita [Name]! [Partner] and I are getting married on [Date]. We have something to ask you and would like to do it on a video call. What time works for you this week? Tell us in your timezone and we will fit around you.
4. The note inside a card. For after a spoken yes, or with the invitation.
Dear Tito [Name], thank you for saying yes. We chose you because [reason]. Your example is what we hope our marriage looks like. With love and gratitude, [Your names]
5. After the yes: collecting details. Keep it in one thread.
Thank you for saying yes! Two things the church and the printer need: your full name exactly as you want it printed, and your home address. If Tito and Tita will stand as a couple, please send both names. We will send the schedule once the parish confirms.
6. A gentle follow-up. Send it about a week after "let me check."
Hi Tita [Name], following up on our question about the wedding on [Date]. We would love to have you, and we also understand if it is not possible. Could you let us know by [date]? We need to finalize the names for the invitation.
7. Replying to a no.
Thank you for telling us, Tito [Name]. We appreciate your honesty, and we are grateful you considered it. We hope you can still celebrate with us on [Date].
8. Offering a different role. Use when the parish cap leaves you over.
Tita [Name], the parish limits how many principal sponsors we can have, and we want to be honest with you. We would still love you to be part of the ceremony as one of our secondary sponsors, if you are willing.
9. A sponsor who says yes but cannot attend.
Thank you for telling us, Tita [Name]. We would still like to list you as our ninang. Would you like a relative to stand in for you, and if so, who should we name?
10. The briefing text, a week before. Nuptials.ph and Bride and Breakfast both suggest a short text shortly before the wedding with the date, venue and call time.
Hi Tito and Tita [Name]! One week to go. The ceremony is on [Date] at [Church]. Please arrive by [call time]. Our coordinator [Name] is on [number] if you need anything. We are so glad you are standing with us.
11. The thank-you after the wedding. The Smile Bar suggests a handwritten note that names what they did.
Dear Tito [Name], thank you for standing with us on [Date]. [One specific thing they did or said.] We hope to keep learning from you, and we will keep in touch.
What to collect with the yes
| Collect | Why |
|---|---|
| Full name as they want it printed | Nuptials.ph: the church wants the "full name (not just their nickname)" |
| Home address | The same church submission, per Nuptials.ph |
| Whether they stand as a couple | A couple goes on one line |
| Whether they can attend in person | At least one pair must be present to sign, per a reply on the Bride and Breakfast post |
An Imbitasyon Ko invitation prints the names under a "Principal Sponsors" heading. On the Free plan the published page shows the first ten entourage entries you enter, so enter your parents and principal sponsors first. The entourage list tool exports the list in group order, and our principal sponsors guide shows how to enter couples.
Asking a couple
Ask both by name even if one is in the room, and get a yes from each. If only one commits, list that one alone rather than printing a couple you are unsure of. This is our advice. None of the guides we read sets a rule.
When it is a no, or no reply
| Situation | What to do | By when |
|---|---|---|
| A clear no | Thank them and go to the next name (message 7) | Same day |
| "Let me check" and then silence | One follow-up (message 6), then treat it as a no | Before the text is final |
| Yes, but they cannot attend | Keep them listed if they wish; a relative can stand in (message 9) | Before the final proof |
| Yes, but you are over the parish cap | Offer a secondary sponsor role (message 8) | Before the proof |
| A yes becomes a no after printing | Paper needs a correction slip; a digital list is edited and the same link shows the current names | Any time |
No guide sets a follow-up interval. One reminder about a week later is our rule.
What to send after they say yes
| Send them | Source | When |
|---|---|---|
| Date, venue and call time, then a short text before the wedding | Nuptials.ph (a few days to a week before), Bride and Breakfast (a few weeks or days) | With their yes, and again before the day |
| Your coordinator's number | Nuptials.ph, Bride and Breakfast | With the briefing text |
| A palette of colors to choose from rather than one outfit | Bride and Breakfast says matching is not required | Early; see the attire guide |
| Someone to welcome and brief them on the day | Bride and Breakfast | Assign before the day |
| Travel and accommodation plans for sponsors abroad | Bride and Breakfast: paying is a kind gesture, not required | Well ahead |
| A thank-you note after | The Smile Bar | Soon after the wedding |
Get the parish's cap first, shortlist with reserves, ask in person by the six-to-eight-month mark, and collect the printed spelling and address with the yes.
Frequently asked questions
How do you ask someone to be your ninong or ninang?
Send a text or Messenger heads-up, then ask in person, often over a meal or at their home. Nuptials.ph says a text is a good first step but not the way to make the formal ask. Say why you chose them, the date and venue, and what the role involves.
When should you ask someone to be your principal sponsor?
Before you order invitations. Bride and Breakfast says to order a custom suite six to eight months before the wedding, or three to four months for a templated design. Nuptials.ph also lists your sponsors' names and addresses among the church requirements, and the canonical interview is at least a month out.
Can you ask a ninong or ninang by text or message?
As a heads-up, yes. Nuptials.ph and Bride and Breakfast both say an initial text or Messenger note is fine, even necessary, but they recommend a formal meeting for the actual ask. For a sponsor who lives far away, Nuptials.ph accepts messaging or a video call.
Do ninongs and ninangs have to give money?
No. A reply on the Bride and Breakfast post says a monetary gift is not required, and that the role is to guide the couple in their marriage. If a sponsor does give, the amount is entirely at their discretion. Do not choose sponsors for their gifts.
What if a ninong or ninang says no or cannot attend?
Thank them and move to your next name; that is why you keep reserves. If a sponsor says yes but cannot attend, a reply on the Bride and Breakfast post says you can keep them as your ninang and choose whether a relative walks as a stand-in. At least one pair must be present to sign.
How do you ask a ninong or ninang who lives abroad?
Use a video call. A reply on the Bride and Breakfast post says a video call would do when you cannot meet, and to spend time with them in person once you are in the same place. Paying for their travel or accommodation is a kind gesture, not a requirement.
Do the ninong and ninang have to be a married couple?
No. A reply on the Bride and Breakfast post says it is not required to choose married couples, and Nuptials.ph says single sponsors are fine. Choose people whose example you want to follow, and the parish decides who signs as a witness.